


Second Life

by scoupsology



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, I'm Sorry, JiHan, M/M, i'm not good with tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:07:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23615701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scoupsology/pseuds/scoupsology
Summary: Each day he wakes up, Jeonghan found it harder to breathe. He wants to rest but he can't do it without saying goodbye to Joshua properly. He doesn't know to do it but he knows that if he did, his senses would be filled by the man he loves and would be happier even if he ran out of time.
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Kim Mingyu, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan
Comments: 1
Kudos: 19





	Second Life

**Author's Note:**

> HELLOOOOO AND IM BACK! After months of not writing, I'm back with a Jihan au (I'm kinda angry at myself because hello I still haven't write a jihan one ㅠㅠ, still 95 line ftw!) 
> 
> I hope you enjoy! uwu
> 
> And if you want, you can listen to Till I Met You - Angeline Quinto's version while reading this 😄

Nurses running, doctors shouting and people crying. 

That's what Joshua's been greeted by the hospital he's visiting everyday. How long was it already? Days? Weeks? Months? He laughed bitterly as he remembers it's already been eight months since then. He put his hands on his pocket as he went to room he's been visiting everyday. As he passed by, the hallway becomes more quiet, which he like better. 

"Seungcheol..." He called the man who was sitting outside the room. 

The said man looked up to him, startled. "Oh, hey Joshua." 

Joshua decided to sit next to him, inhaling deeply and exhaling trying to ease the negativity he's been feeling.

"How are you?" Seungcheol asked. 

"I don't know," Joshua admitted, trying to fight back tears. "Everyday has been hard for him but I still can't accept this reality, you know?" 

Seungcheol looked at him, sympathy visible in his eyes. Of course, he knows what Joshua's been feeling. They've been friend since high school, along with the man inside the room. He supported them the way they supported his relationship with Mingyu. He witnessed how they fought for their love, how they give each other strength and how they promised each other to get through everything with one another by their sides. Until a news was dropped unto them like a bomb. 

"I-I can't let him go..." Joshua said, his voice breaking. "I c-can't imagine what will happen after..." He sobbed. 

Seungcheol inhaled, fighting back his own tears. He pulled Joshua and hugged him tight, letting him know that he's there for them, along with their other friends. "I know you can't let him go, Joshua... But you know how hard it is for him, right? Both of you should talk about this."

"I'm scared," Joshua's voice muffled. "What if he wanted to go? I-I just can't."

"I don't want him to go either. B-but, what if that's what he wanted? We can't be selfish..." Seungcheol said. 

No one talked after and just muffled cry can be heard in the hallway. A few minutes had passed, they heard footsteps that made the both of them let go and turned to look where it came from. And there it is, on their way, Kim Mingyu, Seungcheol's boyfriend. 

The man smiled at them warmly, as Seungcheol stood up and hugged him immediately. 

"Where were you?" Seungcheol asked, his eyes fluttering. 

Mingyu tapped Seungcheol's head as he kissed the latter's temple, "Just picked up some things and I bought fruits." He turned to look at Joshua who was just looking at them. "Hey, man." Mingyu greeted him. 

To Joshua, it was envious. Both Mingyu and Seungcheol can still do whatever they want without worrying about time. 

He tried to smile, tiredness is visible in his eyes. "Hey, do you have plan together?" 

Seungcheol looked at his lover with worry as he turned to look at him, "Uh, yeah. We'll visit his mom."

"You probably should go now." Joshua said, but he realized how rude he might sound like, "Or you can stop here for a while since Mingyu just came here."

Mingyu shaked his head, smile forming on his lips. "We better get going. My mom has been flooding me texts."

Seungcheol hummed, looking back at him. "You sure you're alright?"

Joshua smiled, "Yes, of course."

****

Jeonghan looked up from the book he was reading when he heard the door opened. He felt a pang on his chest, looking back at those eyes that are warm yet hurt at the same time. 

"H-hi, Han." He greeted. 

Jeonghan sat properly, still eyes not leaving Joshua's. "H-hello, Joshuji." 

He smiled at him, to which he returned. It was so nice isn't? To feel hurt yet feel happiness because the person you love is by your side. Jeonghan admits, even if it hurts a lot, even if it's getting harder to live as the day pass, he likes it. He likes the pain he's feeling because it reminds him that he's still alive and still have people worth fighting for against his sickness, against time. 

But he's tired. Everyday, he's getting tired of unexpected attacks and how it hurts him so much. It's like aside from the people around him, he's living for the sake of getting wary when will those attacks would get trigger. 

"How are you?" Joshua started, his eyes left Jeonghan's and lokkung down at his fingers, fidgeting. 

"You know how it's always been..." Jeonghan replied, softly. 

Silence enveloped them. 

Everytime he's alone, he's been thinking of what is the purpose of his life? He's just been waiting for the day he will die and can't do anything else but to lie at this hospital bed. Was everything even worth it? He wanted to find reason, and he found it with Joshua. 

But still it's not enough when everyday of living, he's being reminded of his situation, that it's weighing more than the reason he found to stay alive. 

He just wants to rest. Would Joshua give him that? Tears are starting to blur his vision and not even several seconds, it fell down on his cheeks. Joshua, who was looking down the whole time, looked up as he heard a sob. 

Fighting back his own tears, he stood up, sat at his lover's bed and hugged him tight. 

"J-joshuji..." He called, Joshua shut his eyes tight. His heart aching more and more. 

"P-please, Joshuji..." Jeonghan kept on calling him and he can't fight it anymore. 

The pain, the longing, the sadness and the denial were too much to contain. He broke down. He broke down, still the man he loves on his arms. 

"H-han, do you really want to go?" He sobbed. 

It took Jeonghan a minute, a minute to answer the question he's been dying to hear from Joshua's lips. 

"Y-you know that I love you, right?" Jeonghan started. "I love you until my last breath. You remember 'The Fault in our Stars'? J-Joshuji, now, I want to copy Hazel Grace's line. B-baby, you gave me forever within the numbered days."

Joshua chuckled, still in their situation, his love still remember to make him laugh. "And I am, too." He bit his lips, tears falling from his eyes once again. 

Jeonghan pulled away from their hug, his fingers trying to dry away Joshua's cheeks. He breath in deeply, "I will be forever grateful for everything you gave me. The memories, the support, the love..." Jeonghan started. This is it. This is his final goodbye. He didn't prepare a speech, he prepared himself for the farewell. "You are my g-greatest love. I hope you know that." He croaked. 

Joshua sobbed, "You always remind me of that, you never failed to say that."

Jeonghan giggled, oh how he miss that, "Let me finish first, hmm? I-I don't know if I'd still have this nerve to say all of these."

Joshua smiled, "Of course, baby."

"I am thankful... That I'm the one you love, at the same time, I hate myself for bringing this kind of pain to you. You do to deserve this, you're wonderful, you're precious, you're loved. And I'm sorry that I won't be there until you get old. I-i'm sorry for breaking our promise to each otherㅡ" Jeonghan stopped, inhaling deeply as he felt lump on his throat. "I just want you to be happy, I want to be with you until the end, I want to be with you when you achieve each of those dreams we planned together. Baby, I'm sorry."

He broke, Jeonghan cried his heart out as he kept on apologizing to Joshua that made the latter's heart shattered into pieces. It's like knives piercing his heart, pulling out and stabbing it again. 

And he decided that it's time. He doesn't want to see more pain from Jeonghan. 

"J-jeonghan?" Joshua called out. 

Jeonghan only looked to him, not saying a word. "I-I don't want to hold you back anymore. I am also thankful for the years we've spent together, I am in love with you and will forever will be. I will not get tired of saying I love you, baby. In our second life, we will meet again, I-I promise you that. And we'll be able to breath differently, we'll be happier, we'll be together until the end. B-but now, if I'm the only one holding you back, then I..." Joshua inhaled deeply and hugged the man again to which he returned, "Then I'm letting you go." He whispered. 

No one spoke after, just them hugging each other tight as they laid down. They made themselves comfortable with the silence, enjoying each other's company. Was it an hour? A two? He doesn't track the time, and maybe he got ran out of it. 

"Joshuji?" Jeonghan called him softly. 

"Y-yes, baby?" Joshua inhaled, Jeonghan's scent filling his sense of smell. 

"I'm tired." He answered, his voice getting smaller. 

This is it. 

"Han?" Joshua called. 

With his eyes closed, Jeonghan hummed. 

"I love you. So much." 

"And I love you too, Joshuji." 

They hugged each other tight, until Joshua felt Jeonghan's arms getting loose and can't feel the other's breath anymore. 

And there, he cried and cried. He already lost track of time earlier, and he did again this time. Did he pass out? He doesn't know, he just felt himself getting pulled away from Jeonghan, and he can't get away as he felt like he lost all his energy. 

"Yoon Jeonghan, time of death: 10:04 pm."

With that, even with no tears left, he started to cry again. 

'So long, my love. I love and will always love you. Until the end of me, until we meet again.'

**Author's Note:**

> Did you enjoy it? 👉👈


End file.
